First Post!

Hi everyone.

The purpose of this blog is to chronicle the next few days/weeks(/more?) as I try to taper off of Effexor XR after being on the drug for over three years.

Don't get me wrong; the drug worked for me when other antidepressants didn't. But the side effects are awful.

The last few months, at 300 mg/day of Effexor XR (the extended release form), have in many ways felt like a blur. My brain feels blurry a lot. I don't feel like me in a lot of ways.

And if you miss a dose, which I've done several times out of forgetfulness or because I hadn't felt well enough to get out of bed and refill the prescription, it gets *bad*. A handful of times, I've ended up crying hysterically in the waiting room of a drug store just waiting for them to fill the prescription.

I remember on Election Day 2004, when I was taking a much lower dose of the drug, I hadn't refilled my prescription and had been out for two days. I think that's the first time I got "brain zaps," a kind of unpleasant wooshing in the brain, the classic symptom of Effexor withdrawal. Through the day, I was no longer able to turn my head from side to side without the "woosh" feeling, and I spent all my time in lectures that day just trying not to panic and bring attention to myself.

The maximum amount of Effexor XR I have ever been on was 375 mg/day, about six months ago, which in retrospect was much too high. The psychiatrist I had been going to thought that I was upset so often and having so many bad days that upping my dose would be a good idea. At 375 mg/day, I started getting horrible, persistent headaches, and I lost nearly all gauge of time. Against the doctor's instructions (I've made a lot of psychiatrists upset with me, I think), I went down from 375 mg/day to 300 mg/day.

I missed over half the next week's classes and my own teaching obligations that week. Two or three of those days, I wanted to spend the whole time huddled and crying in a corner of the room. I had no control over my emotions at all.

I don't want to be on a drug that has that much power. Maybe I do need to be on some kind of antidepressant, but if I can do anything about it, I don't want to be on one that kicks you in the head if you're late for a dose and leaves you wondering if you're really un-depressed or just so fogged up that it doesn't show anymore.

Spring Break is next week, and so I feel like now is as good as time as any to cut the amount of Effexor again, from 300 mg/day to 150 mg/day. It's a start.

Someday I hope to be Effexor free.